By most standards Paris exhibits all the trappings of a civilized culture. The children are taught to smoke in elementary school, even the dorks have beautiful girlfriends, and dogs can crap on the sidewalk without a care in the world. The French also know a thing or two about grape juice. But what about the beer?
Fortunately, I have managed to assemble a crack team of beer tasters, my long suffering wife and my not so long suffering sister in law, to sample the finest beer that the local convenience store has to offer.
Read on, dear reader, read on:
Tourtel
Blonde
Skunky aroma with hints of sweet bong water? Pear and vanilla notes. Carmel sweetness with a nasty vinegar finish. Better than O'Douls. Watery, but this might be a non alcohol beer. Ooops.
Negative zero
Pelforth
Blonde ABV 5.8%
Morning piss color, solid irregular bubbly head. Malty biscuit nose. Hoppy up front, midget gem middle, corn predominant, no sweetness that you might expect from a lager. Almost a sour? Really quite dry. Mostly we liked the faux brushed aluminum packaging. Probably the most drinkable crap we tried.
2 out of 5
Pelforth
Brune ABV 6.5%
Again nice packaging. Uniform bubbles in the head. Dark amber red color. Nutty carmel and roasty nose but very watery on first sip. Very, very, sweet and noticable rough alcohol finish. Makes one yearn for Pabst dark.
1 out of 5
Belle France
Blonde ABV 4.5%
Pale straw color weak head. Chemical cleaner smell from the floor of a nasty French factory. Tastes like colorant, one of the ingredients. Metallic. Suspiciously bad. We need to brush our teeth after that one.
0 out of 5
St. Omer.
33 Export Blonde ABV 4.5%
Soapy head and gasoline color. Sweet skunky nose and a little carmel. Nothing up front, earwax in the middle and metallic on the finish. Like puking in your own mouth or maybe like having someone else, someone you don't like, puking in your mouth.
0 out of 5.
So there you have it. French beer isn't very good. Tacoma, I miss you.
4 comments:
Don't forget to bring Eric P. a French-Beer Sampler!
We're glad your drinking the French beers so we don't have to.
Apparently convenience store beer is convenience store beer the world over. Maybe you should actually try to get a hold of something decent, or is that too obvious?
Just so happens, Murph, that I stumbled across the fancy beer store during my afternoon perambulations. I`m hoping to reassemble my crack team later this evening.
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